Calm Pathways
A Compassionate, Polyvagal-Informed Guide for Supporting Young People
This page combines Polyvagal Theory (Porges) and Paul Gilbert’s Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) into a practical model for supporting young people in various regulation states. It reframes behaviour as survival responses, providing strategies for staff, carers, teachers, youth workers, and families to help them restore safety and connection..
Why This Matters?
Young people often display challenging behaviours, shouting, withdrawing, running, or refusing to engage. Traditionally labelled as defiance or poor attitude, modern neuroscience sees these as survival strategies. When a young person senses a threat (real or imagined), their body reacts automatically.
Shifting from blame to understanding empowers staff and carers to respond effectively. The Calm Pathways Zone Model blends Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory with Paul Gilbert’s Compassion-Focused Therapy, offering a science-based, compassionate framework easily applied in schools, care homes, youth services, and families.
Four Zones
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Safe & Social Zone
Physiology: Ventral Vagal activation (Polyvagal); Soothing System (CFT).
State: Calm, connected, open to learning and relationships.
Signs: Relaxed posture, steady breath, balanced energy, eye contact, playful tone.
🔴
Fight-or-Flight Zone
Physiology: Sympathetic activation (Polyvagal); Threat System (CFT).
State: Mobilised survival mode, high energy, preparing for defence.
Signs: Fast breathing, loud voice, shouting, pacing, clenched fists, aggression, restlessness.
🟦
Shutdown / Freeze Zone
Physiology: Dorsal Vagal activation (Polyvagal); Threat System (collapse form in CFT).
State: Withdrawal, numbness, disconnection, energy collapse.
Signs: Slumped posture, blank stare, very quiet or mute, low energy, 'I don’t care' language.
âš¡
Drive Zone
Physiology: Sympathetic mobilisation without threat; Drive/Resource-Seeking System (CFT).
State: Striving, motivated, ambitious, but can tip into Red Zone under stress.
Signs: High focus on achievement, restlessness if goals blocked, intense pursuit of rewards.
Theoretical Foundations
These frameworks share significant overlap. For instance, the ventral vagal system in the Polyvagal Theory corresponds to Gilbert’s Soothing system. Similarly, Polyvagal’s sympathetic mobilization aligns with Gilbert’s Threat and Drive systems, while the dorsal vagal shutdown reflects the collapsed state of the Threat system in Gilbert’s model.
Polyvagal Theory (Stephen Porges, 2011)
Polyvagal Theory describes how the autonomic nervous system is hierarchical:
- Ventral Vagal: supports safety, social engagement, and connection.
- Sympathetic: mobilises fight-or-flight survival responses.
- Dorsal Vagal: triggers shutdown or collapse when escape feels impossible.
Compassion Focused Therapy (Paul Gilbert, 2009, 2014)
CFT describes three evolved systems of emotional regulation:
- Threat/Protection: detects danger and activates defensive responses.
- Drive/Resource-Seeking: motivates us to pursue goals and rewards.
- Soothing/Safeness: promotes affiliation, calm, and compassion.
Spotting the Zones
Use these cues to recognise likely nervous-system states at a glance. Look for clusters (3+ cues) across posture, breathing, voice, energy, eye contact, and behaviour. If signs are mixed, co-regulate first - slow breath, softer voice, simple choices—then reassess.
Supporting the Zones
🟢Safe & Social Zone
The body thrives in its ideal state for learning, growth, and meaningful connection when supported by ventral vagal activation (Polyvagal theory) and Gilbert’s Soothing System. In this state, young individuals feel safe, grounded, and ready to take on new challenges.
Promote a sense of safety with consistent rituals, such as morning greetings and reflective end-of-day check-ins. Encourage self-expression through creative outlets, such as art, storytelling, or role-playing. Acknowledge and celebrate small achievements, like independently using a calming tool, to build confidence. Offer leadership opportunities to empower them and enhance their sense of agency.
🔴Fight-or-Flight Zone
This state reflects activated survival energy driven by the sympathetic nervous system, aligning with Gilbert’s Threat System. The young person’s body is primed for a fight-or-flight response.
Start by regulating yourself: take slow, steady breaths, lower your voice, and relax your shoulders. Use reassuring, simple phrases such as "You’re safe" or "I’m here to help." Offer safe ways to release energy, like walking, stomping, or using a stress ball. Break the cycle of escalation with humor or a distraction. You can also try co-regulated breathing—match their breathing tempo, then gradually slow yours to guide them. Avoid lecturing, raising your voice, or insisting on stillness.
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🟦Shutdown / Freeze Zone
This response reflects a collapse state, triggered by dorsal vagal activation and the Threat System entering freeze mode. The young person becomes disconnected as they perceive an overwhelming threat.
Provide presence, not pressure. Sit calmly nearby to offer support without imposing demands. Present gentle, safe choices like, "Would you prefer the chair or the beanbag?" Incorporate comforting sensory tools such as a blanket, soft toy, or weighted cushion. Speak in a warm, slow tone: "I’m here with you." Avoid pushing for responses or making direct eye contact. Patience and calm are essential.
âš¡Drive Zone
This represents sympathetic mobilization, though not immediately triggered.
It aligns with Gilbert’s Drive System, which powers ambition, focus, and achievement. However, an imbalance can push you into the Fight-or-Flight state.
Channel this energy into sports, creative pursuits, or leadership opportunities. Foster balance by practicing mindfulness or grounding techniques. Prioritise effort over results and encourage self-reflection when facing obstacles to prevent slipping into a threat response.
Staff Language Patterns
Words shape nervous system states. Language should be simple, clear, and matched to the zone. Below are 10 examples of supportive phrases for each zone.
🟢Safe & Social Zone Phrases
- I love how calm you are right now.
- It feels good to be together.
- You can share your ideas - I’m listening.
- I noticed you took a deep breath - that helps.
- Let’s try this new skill while you’re feeling steady.
- I appreciate the way you joined in.
- You’re safe here, and it shows in your smile.
- You handled that really well - thank you.
- Let’s celebrate this small step forward.
- I can see you’re ready to learn.
🔴Fight-or-Flight Zone Phrases
- You’re safe. I’m right here with you.
- Let’s take one step at a time.
- You can walk/stomp/squeeze if your body needs to move.
- I see you’re upset. Let’s slow down together.
- Your breathing is fast - I’ll match you, then we’ll slow down.
- It’s okay to be angry, and I’ll help you stay safe.
- We can pause for a moment until it feels calmer.
- I’m not going anywhere - I’ll stay with you.
- Let’s harness our energy safely and responsibly.
- You’re not alone in this. We’ll figure it out together.
🟦Shutdown / Freeze Zone Phrases
- I’ll stay here with you.
- Would you like the chair or the beanbag?
- It’s okay to be quiet - you don’t need to talk yet.
- Here’s something soft to hold if you want.
- When you’re ready, I’d love to hear what you need.
- You don’t have to do anything right now.
- I’ll check in again in a little while — no rush.
- You are safe even if you don’t feel it yet.
- It’s okay to rest your body until you’re ready.
- I’m glad you’re here, even if it feels hard.
âš¡Drive Zone Phrases
- I can see how motivated you are.
- Your effort really matters here.
- It’s great to see you focused.
- Remember to take breaks too.
- You don’t have to do everything perfectly.
- Let’s enjoy the process, not just the goal.
- I can see you’re giving this your best.
- It’s okay if things feel tough — effort is progress.
- Let’s balance hard work with rest.
- You’re learning as you go, and that’s what counts.
Self Talk for Adults
Self-talk is a powerful regulation tool for adults. By using grounding internal phrases, staff and carers can stay calm and steady, providing the co-regulation young people need. Below are 10 examples of self-talk statements for each zone.
🟢 Safe & Social Zone Phrases
- I’m calm, and that calm is contagious.
- This is a moment to connect, not to rush.
- I can enjoy this steady rhythm.
- The young person feels safe because I am steady.
- I can notice and celebrate the small wins.
- This is the time to teach, not during a crisis.
- My breath can keep us both steady.
- I’m building trust one small step at a time.
- I don’t need to do everything - being present is enough.
- Safety is the soil; learning grows from here.
🔴 Fight-or-Flight Zone Phrases
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I need to soften my shoulders first
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My breath sets the rhythm - slow and steady.
- This isn’t about me; it’s the nervous system speaking.
- Less talk, more calm presence.
- Short phrases, not lectures.
- I can allow safe movement without taking it personally.
- Humour or lightness can break the storm.
- I’m the anchor; the child is the wave.
- I can lower my voice to guide the energy down.
- Stay steady - the storm will pass.
🟦 Shutdown / Freeze Zone Phrases
- Silence is not rejection — it’s protection.
- My steady presence is enough right now.
- I don’t need to fix this instantly.
- Small choices can help bring control back.
- I can slow my pace and match their quiet.
- Warmth matters more than words.
- They may not respond, but they feel my safety.
- Gentle patience builds trust.
- I can sit with this stillness without rushing.
- Connection can grow even in silence.
âš¡Drive Zone Phrases
- Ambition is good, but balance is better.
- I can pause without losing progress.
- Effort is more important than perfection.
- Rest is part of growth.
- I don’t need to chase every goal at once.
- Pace matters as much as direction.
- I can enjoy the process, not just the result.
- I don’t have to prove my worth through doing.
- Balance keeps me steady and effective.
- Sustainable energy is stronger than bursts of effort.
Strategies
Support can take many forms, ranging from structured, protective, and directive to nurturing, soothing, and relational. Both approaches are valuable, and the most effective individuals skillfully combine these methods.
🟢 Safe & Social Zone
Structure/Containment
• Set routines that give predictability.
• Encourage responsibility ('Can you help with this task?').
• Model calm posture and steady breath.
• Reinforce boundaries clearly.
• Celebrate progress with structured feedback.
Nurture/Connection
• Use warm greetings and eye contact.
• Offer playful choices ('Shall we draw or talk?').
• Praise emotional awareness ('You noticed your feelings — well done').
• Share joy and humour.
• Encourage self-expression through art, roleplay, storytelling.
🔴 Fight-or-Flight Zone
Structure/Containment
• Step in as protector ('I’ll keep us safe').
• Use clear, short commands ('Stop. Breathe. Walk.').
• Create safe outlets for energy (push wall, stomp, squeeze ball).
• Stay grounded, don’t mirror chaos.
• Provide physical boundaries if needed.
Nurture/Connection
• Match the young person’s breath, then gradually slow yours.
• Soften tone and shoulders to invite calm.
• Use reassurance: 'You’re safe, I’m here.'
• Offer gentle humour or distraction.
• Invite co-regulation: 'Shall we breathe together?'
🟦 Shutdown / Freeze Zone
Structure/Containment
• Offer small, structured choices ('Chair or beanbag?').
• Set gentle tasks to encourage re-engagement.
• Maintain presence without over-talking.
• Keep routines predictable and reliable.
• Acknowledge the freeze as survival, not defiance.
Nurture/Connection
• Sit nearby in quiet companionship.
• Use soft, slow voice: 'I’ll stay with you.'
• Provide soothing sensory support (blanket, soft toy).
• Allow silence and don’t force responses.
• Offer validation: 'It’s okay to rest.'
âš¡ Drive Zone
Structure/Containment
• Step in as protector ('I’ll keep us safe').
• Use clear, short commands ('Stop. Breathe. Walk.').
• Create safe outlets for energy (push wall, stomp, squeeze ball).
• Stay grounded, don’t mirror chaos.
• Provide physical boundaries if needed.
Nurture/Connection
• Match the young person’s breath, then gradually slow yours.
• Soften tone and shoulders to invite calm.
• Use reassurance: 'You’re safe, I’m here.'
• Offer gentle humour or distraction.
• Invite co-regulation: 'Shall we breathe together?'
Embedding Practices Across Settings
Staff Wellbeing & Regulation
Supporting dysregulated young people is demanding. Adults need their own regulation strategies.
Grounding: Pause, deep breath, soften shoulders, feet on floor.
Micro-breaks: 2 minutes of slow breathing between tasks.
Buddy System: Pair staff to check in on each other.
End-of-Shift Rituals: Intentionally let go of stress before going home.
Supervision & Reflection: Safe spaces for staff to share challenges.
Leadership & Culture
Leaders play a critical role in embedding the Zone Model. Culture shifts when leaders consistently model calm, compassionate, and structured approaches.
Training: Ensure all staff understand the model.
Consistency: Use shared language across the organisation.
Supervision: Offer reflective spaces after challenging incidents.
Recognition: Celebrate staff who model calm regulation.
Embedding: Include zone-awareness in policies, routines, and staff induction.
References
Dana, D. (2018). ‘The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation’. New York: Norton.
Gilbert, P. (2009). ‘The Compassionate Mind’. London: Constable.
Gilbert, P. (2014). ‘The Origins and Nature of Compassion Focused Therapy’. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 53(1), 6-41.
Porges, S. (2011). ‘The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation’. New York: Norton.
Siegel, D. (2010). ‘The Mindful Therapist’. New York: Norton.
van der Kolk, B. (2014). ‘The Body Keeps the Score’. New York: Viking.